Khomting Vaiphei

FEELINGS

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle, autumns rain
When you awake to the mornings hush
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds, in circled flight
I am the soft star that shines at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" - Psalm 139 v 16

"It is not the duration of your life which matters - it is the contribution you put into it for others and for God" 

"The success of our lives is not determined by how long we live, but by how much we love and have been loved"

Losing Ting has been the most devastating thing that has happened to our family. Losing your spouse is the most difficult thing, as it seems so unbelievable. We were together in a place which we could not call our own for about ten years, visiting home only about eight times, then all of sudden, she was gone from me, us. There had been no separation to prepare us for the void in our lives, though there were enough indications that things had gone terribly wrong. We could not come to terms with the thought of living without her. Well, within ear-shots there were whispers that she was dying slowly, and life was going out of her. Yet, though the head knew that something terrible was going to take place, the heart refused to believe. Or may be, refused to accept the reality of the situation. As the little one always said, “Nunu will get well soon maw?” And even now she says, “Nunu will return home from Vellore when she is better”. Hope was our strongest weapon in the face of adversity. Hope that chained us to the very end. Hope that kept us going.

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is not easy. As she touched a lot of lives in some small way, we also wanted to share her story with others. This site and her page on Facebook (In Mrmoriam: Mrs. Khomting Vaiphei), hopefully, will serve that purpose.

 Our family has come face-to-face with the reality that life is very precious, and that each day you should recognize that life is a gift of time on this earth, and we must accept that and celebrate each day.

There may not be a tomorrow....

We would like to thank all of you for your love, support and caring. Losing Ting would have been too much to bear alone. You never realize how many friends you have made along the way until the road you travel comes to an end.

Love is our strength: it gives us the will to go on. Be sure to let those you love know it.

TIMELINE

1966

Born 2 November Bishnupur, Manipur ~

1986

Completed high school examination ~

1989

Completed undergraduate course ~

1992

Graduated from Manipur university ~

2000

Gave her heart to Jesus ~

2001

Went to Arunachal Pradresh to join spouse ~

2005

Birth of youngest daughter ~

2007

February 18 - Christian Medical College, Vellore ~

March 17 - Diagnosed with carcinoma nasopharynx ~

April - Medical treatment commenced ~

December - 33 rounds of RT/6 cycles of chemo completed ~

2008

January 28 - Petscan at B'lore, reported to be okay ~

February - Returned home along with spouse ~

Visited CMC, Vellore four more times ~

2009

January 29 - Doctors confirmed cancer recurred ~

February - Second line of chemo administered ~

March 25 - Doctors discontinued treatment ~

March 31- Final home-coming in tears ~

October 3, 11.20 - Passed away a month short of her 43 birthday ~

October 4 - Funeral service at New Christian Cemetery ~

Children

Nadine Khawllemhoi

Patricia Chhungthianching

Janie Janezokim

Robie Dongbiakvak

Spouse

Khamneithang Vaiphei

Occupation

Teacher

Favorite Bible Verse

Psalm 23 and 1 Peter 5:7

Favorite Hymns

It is well with my soul

He leadeth Me

Nitum Ngailo Zion Khopi

Chunglam Jerusalem

Special Interests

Reading and gardening

 A FEW MORE THOUGHTS

As I write this, six months and twenty-four days have passed since Ting left us. The countdown widget on my blog reads 159 days 00 hours 24 mins and 52 second for the "Unveiling of Mom’s Memorial Stone on October 3, 2010". As a husband, it still hurts more than anyone can know. They all say, “I know how you must feel,” but they don’t. Only someone who has lost a spouse, and that too during the most wonderful period of their journey together, can ever know how awful it feels. Most times, I just want something to penetrate deep into the crevices of my heart, and to twist and turn it around so that the pain would go away, or at least feel something other than the feeling of my own “lostness”.

Each morning I wake up, and within two seconds it all comes back to me. Ting is not here anymore. I suppose death is the price we pay for life - we are all born, we will all die - but it seems to be something we all avoid thinking or talking about...until it happens. Perhaps if we were more familiar with the inevitable, we could accept it with a little more understanding. But, like most people, we avoided the subject. Whenever someone brought up the topic, I would say, “I don’t want to talk about it.” So we didn’t...and then it happened. We were so unprepared.

Dealing with the death of anyone close is difficult in itself - let alone your own spouse.

In the weeks that followed, I tried to analyze everything. What happened? Was there anything that could have been done differently that would have made a difference? Was it my fault as her spouse that I didn’t recognize some underlying problem? But it was an exercise in futility. What happened happened. Nothing could be undone again. Life has changed, forever. Time of togetherness has entered into the never-ending tomb, never to return. A life, most beautiful, has been cut short by the ravages of man's mortality. Life will ever be the same again.

Days, weeks, months passed. Her friends were so sweet to come and visit us. We needed to stay in touch with them. They were going through a lot of heartache, too. For most of them, Ting was their first close exposure to death, as it was for me. We shared a lot of hugs and tears together.

Getting through the first few weeks was not easy. It was the first time she wasn’t with us, and at no time was that more evident than during the Christmas and New Year holidays. It’s a time for the whole family to be together. No gifts required; just good food and friendship. A time to be thankful for all your blessings. But our whole family was not accounted for: Ting was gone. I pondered all day about what could have been…. I felt such incredible loss... Tears unguarded and unchecked, flowed freely…

New Year 2010, Janie Janezokim’s birthday on February 3, February 18 (date on which first trip to Vellore was made), came and was gone, and my head spun as we entered March – the month in which so many things took place – our wedding anniversary, Ting’s first journey to Arunachal Pradesh where we stayed together for almost ten years, my birthday, Ting diagnosed with cancer, doctors delivered the ominous news of the failure of Ting’s treatment, final and last memories of Christian Medical College in Vellore where Ting received treatment for a period of over two years with such hope and determination - which in the end was an exercise in futility, the children leaving Arunachal Pradesh where they all grew up, and the final home-coming together as a family on the last day of March 2009. Everything was different now. We had to adjust, but not forget. We said goodbye to 2009 and wondered what 2010 would bring.

After the family relocated, we had gone searching for school and admitted them in mid-session. And when the results came, all our daughters except little Robie performed well. She was declared to have underperformed and was retained in the same class (Nursery) for the 2010 session. As time passed, our oldest daughter Nadine Khawllemhoi appeared for her final high school examination. Her Class of 2010 bid farewell and at the time of writing this she was still awaiting her results. Soon, she will enter college life. Her mother would have been so proud of her.....

Our family has come face-to-face with the reality that life is very precious, and that life is a gift of time on this earth which we should accept and celebrate each day of. There may not be a tomorrow.....

Out of the harshness of this reality comes a sweet reminder that God is still in control. I also draw comfort from knowing that Ting knew how much she was loved. I got to kiss her goodnight and tell her I loved her. Many people never get that chance...I’m so grateful to have had that opportunity, so thankful to the wonderful friends and relatives surrounding us all the time. And I have much comfort in the fact that she is waiting for us in heaven with arms wide open.

Dear Ting, people often say rainbows are a promise of a new tomorrow. There have been a lot of "tomorrows" that have come and gone: I only wish there could be “yesterdays” too. I would go back again and again to the "yesterdays" so that I could be with you again, and hold you in my arms.

Where do we go from here? No matter what the road, your love will lead us home.

In loving memory of my dear wife,

~Khamneithang Vaiphei~

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TOMORROW

When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me
I wish so much you would not cry
The way you did today
I am safe, secure with Jesus
No harm can come my way.

I know how much you love me
Just as much as I love you
And each time when you think of me
I know you miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand
The angels came and lifted me
They took me by the hand
And said my place was ready
In Heaven far above
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But when I walked through Heaven's gate
I felt I'd just come HOME
When God reached out and smiled at me
From His great eternal throne
He said "This is Eternity
And all I have promised you
Today - for life on earth is past
But here it starts anew
I promise you no tomorrow
For today will always last
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past

So when tomorrow starts without me
Please don't think we're far part
For every time you think of me
I'm right there - in your heart